It's Sometimes Too Much
I bet a lot of you entrepreneurs out there can relate to that phrase. It's sometimes a little too much for me to handle. I just recently got a new job over in Alpharetta and while I am super grateful for it, a part of me still feels like I should've taken the jump and "go all-in". I hate that phrase by the way, "go all-in". You mean to tell me I wasn't sacrificing my sleep, my weekends with my friends, my relationships, my own mental health for my business before? I wasn't going "all-in" enough for you? Well, let's look at the financial sacrifice in that instance. I cannot tell you how many times I have looked at my bank account and have seen negative.
The truth is that is what it takes to be an entrepreneur. The struggle is so real you guys and when you are making money it feels like you are rolling in dough, but when you aren't making money is when it just feels like someone took the light out of everything you were doing. I can't even begin to tell you how much that all hurts. It's one of the reasons why you may have seen me back off all of my own social media accounts for my business. I haven't been taking the time to grow it like I used to, and while I am still getting some traction on some accounts, I have stalled out on others.
Social media is my bread and butter, so that is what I like to focus on, but it's like what I tell all of my own clients "it's not everything and you can't always focus on the numbers." I realize that I was doing this with my own pages; focusing way too much on the numbers, not on the content itself. You would think all of the creative would come very easily since I am so right-brained, but it hasn't been. Truth is, is that I have been on somewhat of a writer's block for the past few months. I have been stuck in a hole where I feel like I didn't know how to make good content, and that's not who I am, Who I am is someone that can overcome any obstacle that you can throw at them, and someone who doesn't take anyone's nonsense. I can make pages grow, and people are happy with what I have taught them.
It feels like that hasn't been who I am lately, and it's hard. I have been trying to adjust to a new schedule because of my job and paired with the almost hour-long commute, it's not been easy. I've been doing CrossFit HIIT almost every day and every time I've come home I just want to hit the hay, but I know it's not possible since I have to work on my business. Now I know what some of you are going to say, "well why don't you just hire a team?". I totally would, but teams cost a lot, but an assistant? Totally. I really need one because a lot of things have changed for me in the past month, and I have come to the realization that I can't do it all.
Not to mention some other personal things, which I won't get too deep into here, but this time of the year is always the hardest for me since it's Diwali. Some of you might be asking "well why is Diwali so hard for you? Isn't supposed to be a joyous occasion?" Well yes, it's supposed to be, but it isn't. Diwali (or as my family likes to call it, Deepavali) is the annual reminder of the day my mom passed away. She passed away six years ago, the day before Diwali. Every time someone lights up firecrackers or diyas, I am reminded of the time everyone had to fly in with tears in their eyes cause I told them the news that my mom passed away that night. What is supposed to be a day filled with fun, isn't and I can't even eat kajjaya anymore cause that was literally one of the last things my mom was prepping to make on Diwali before she passed.
Yes, I am still grieving her loss and I'll probably never stop grieving her, but I have moved on. It's not like her loss held me back in anything I've done. I might get a tattoo of her someday, but I guess I am too scared of the pain LOL. I still talk to her every day when I meditate and when I close my eyes I always see her. She's with me and proud of me. However, I have to take a step back and think if I am proud of myself, am I proud of everything I have done? I just don't know why I sometimes look for others' approval. I guess I am always looking for my mother's approval cause she sacrificed a lot for me to do well in this country. I am still pushing on, doing my own thing as I've always done, but I don't always think I have the confidence to push my way into absolute greatness (can't you tell that I've been listening to the School of Greatness podcast a lot?).
Have you ever felt like it's all too much for you and you might want to either take a break from your business or leave it? How was it for you? Did you actually quit it or change directions? Let me know what your experience was like and how you have overcome it!